Grin & Grumble

Cyclists are strange. An old family friend, when referring to these people, used to mockingly ask, “When did you start having to wear tight shorts to ride a bike?”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for people exercising and I don’t care what they wear. I exercise quite a bit and it’s actually when I’m running that I get particularly irritated with cyclists, or as I prefer, bikers. And it’s not about their obvious love for spandex, though many would do well to recognize that the 80s are long been behind them. Rather, it’s about attitude.

When I run, I almost always run against traffic. A biker, or a pack of bikers, rides with traffic. When we’re going opposite ways, we’re on the same side of the road.

I suppose that I’m a fool to think that in unfriendly New England, bikers, passing in close proximity to me, would say hello. Sure, I say hello, but from their crotch-killing perches, the bikers just stare at me as though I’m from a different world. No, I don’t expect people in cars to slow, roll the windows down, and holler a warm greeting, but these are people like me, people out to get exercise in the fresh air. Isn’t there some essence of camaraderie?

As soon as I spot the bikers, I can usually predict the likelihood of an ignored greeting. The more spandex, the more aerodynamic the helmet, the less likely a hello will be returned. If they’re wearing a jersey with a cycling club logo on it, it’s more likely I’ll get an intelligent reply from one of the cows I often pass than from the fashionable biker.

But, I’m used to the snubs. What really pisses me off is when they won’t move over. You know, you’ve seen them. These are the people that ride two or three across, taking up half the street. Yet, when a runner is coming the other way, they hug the side of the road with enthusiasm. Numerous times I’ve been running, had a greeting fall on deaf ears, and then been forced off the asphalt by a two-wheeled twit. They act like they’re entitled to all of the road. I imagine them saying, “Oh, little runner, you keep on running, but we’re fancy and we have fancy bikes, so jump off the road when we ride by.” And, not wanting to collide, I do.

Entitlement. They think the road is theirs alone. But, where are they when the mercury drops, when the snow flies? Their trusty rides can’t handle the conditions like my simple feet do. Even when it only rains, their ranks thin dramatically.  They must be afraid of that muddy spray that would shoot off their rear wheels and give their spandex shirts unwelcome, racing stripes.

When you think about it, these brazen bikers, when they do venture out, wouldn’t do so well if I weren’t as accommodating. If I didn’t get off the road, they’d probably hit me. Sure, they’d have speed on their side and my right shoulder would feel it when the handlebars hit it. But, I would have a lower center of gravity working for me. After the collision, they’d be launched off their saddles to have head, elbows, knees, and fingers be quickly introduced to the road. I like my chances better.

Are there any cyclists out there who can explain your collective behavior? Are there any runners who have been run off the street?

Photo courtesy of Philms.

Ann Champagne
July 1, 1919 – April 2, 2009

Early this morning my grandmother passed away. She was Mama to her own children, Nana to her grandchildren.

She was tough. Not tough in demeanor, but rather in her will to survive. She was a breast cancer survivor, had had by-pass surgery, and was diabetic, among other things.

The last several years were hard on her. Heart, legs, and most sadly, brain, started protesting sincerely. Dementia lapped higher and higher on the shoreline of her mind. Still, her expressive personality shown through in moments of lucidity. When I last saw her a few days ago, she looked at my mother and said, “I’ve been through the mill.” Indeed she had.

My Nana’s final years were trying. No doubt, parts of her earlier years were difficult too. I’d like to think that, despite those cloudy times, the sun shown down on her most days as her smile radiated warmth and emotion. I hope her final memories were of sun-filled days when cares were few and laughs were many.

As for my memories of my Nana, my mind winds back to when I was a young boy. My Nana and Grampie would go to Crane’s Beach with my mom, sister, and me. Almost every moment at the beach was fun, but when my Nana and Grampie joined us, joyful nuances would appear. The shade from an umbrella would always be ready for a tired child. Tiny fruit juices with foil tops would be chilled in a steel, green Coleman cooler. In the late afternoon, we’d leave Crane’s and drive down Argilla Road. On each ride, my Nana would tell me about the three bears and how they lived in a particular house on that road. I think they lived near the ice cream stand that we’d inevitably stop at to placate our sweet tooths, my Nana’s the sweetest of them all. My memories.

May my Nana rest well.

Some of the best points from any post are the comments that are made in response to the post. Sometimes when I comment on a blog, I like to know  when someone else comments after me. To me, it’s like reading another part of the conversation.

There is now a feature on Grin and Grumble that enables you to follow others’ comments. After you comment, simply check the box that says “Notify me of followup comments via e-mail.”

Do me a favor. Let me know if it works by posting a comment, checking the box, and seeing if you are notified when someone else comments.

Thanks.

I like words.

Whenever I see the word “flautist” for example,  I think of a professional farter. Flautist, flatulence. See what I mean? They sound alike.  It’s even better when someone says it. Flautist.

Cracks me up.

What are some of your favorite words? They don’t have to be related to bathroom humor.

I found myself disturbed by Massachusetts Governor Patrick’s proposed 19 cent increase in the gas tax. That’s serious money. Imagine the cost if crude oil prices soar again. Governor Patrick says that the tax is necessary to pay for transportation issues. Maybe, but I don’t think it’s fair for a populace to be expected to pay for decades of cronyism and mismanagement with such a steep tax.

Suddenly, though, that 19 cent tax increase doesn’t look too bad. The reversal came when I learned of a different proposal, a user fee, that would force all Massachusetts drivers to have GPS chips installed in their vehicles. The GPS chips would track the mileage that each vehicle drives and the state would then charge a quarter cent for each mile driven. The politicians and state can’t manage their budgets, so they instead want to track every mile we drive. Big Brother we don’t want you ’round here.

Massachusetts, like many states, needs to run more efficiently. It needs to development revenue sources (new industries) rather than just rely on tax increases.

Meanwhile, chuck the GPS chips. Instead, purchase a bunch of microphones and install them in any location where budgets are debated. Upload the audio to the web where taxpayers can hear who is advocating for more wasteful spending. A far better use of technology.

Voters, we put politicians into power. Think when you vote.

A few weeks ago at work, I was searching for topics that might be of interest to the newly retired. I came upon an article on aarp.org written by John Updike. Appropriately, the famous author talked of aging in the piece.

I decided to write him and ask if he’d come to our organization and speak. I couldn’t find contact information, but I knew he lived in a nearby town–even knew where approximately in that town–and I found an address that looked to be right. I knew it was a long shot.

I first read Updike in college as part of an American Literature class. I eventually completed a semester-long study of religion in the author’s writing. The semester culminated in a paper entitled, “The Church of Updike.” My time spent studying Updike was some of the best in my education. I was reading excellent writing, forming my own suppositions, and discovering many more questions than I did answers.

I should note my hometown is close to where Updike lived. Shortly after graduating, I went to listen to him read from a book of poetry in a nearby church basement. After, I waited until the crowed had waned and walked up to the great figure of literature. I said hello and told him of my paper. He replied, “Good topic.” He then signed my program and gave me an honorary A.

Today, John Updike died at age 76 from lung cancer. He was a fallible man. His writing was at once shocking, dense, and melodic. Unequivocally, he was a brilliant author.

May the attention, much of it unconventional to say the least, that Updike gave to God and religion serve him well.

One of the cardinal rules of marketing is to know your audience. The better you know it, the more you can appeal to it.

But………………maybe you want to appeal to everyone (or that advertising budget just got cut). You might produce a commercial like the good folks at Loud N Clear. Loud N Clear is a sound amplifier that looks like a Bluetooth ear piece. It’s a must for many people apparently. Here are a few:

1. An elderly woman playing bingo.
2. A younger woman listening to her catty neighbor.
3. A dorky guy who thinks that turning the volume down on the TV will avoid disturbing his sleeping wife.
4. A mother who doesn’t want to watch her children play.
5. Another elderly woman walking in nature, seemingly looking for needed protein.
6. Another dorky guy listening to female party guests who say he’s cute. (In two years, he’s the guy in 3.)
7. A hunter listening for the scampering of big game.

And, all in two minutes! That’s marketing to a wide audience!

I haven’t done a Link Glimpse for some time. Here’s the second part in the series.

These are some sites that I find potentially useful.  See what you think.

1. Enjoy a virtual gab fest with TalkShoe.com. TalkShoe is a free service that gets people talking on a conference call and adds real-time chat to the scene. I just used it the other day and I was impressed.  There’s content on there that may interest you right now. Be sure to download the TalkShoe Live! Pro software.
2. If you’re trying to figure out how many megabytes are in a gigabyte, check out James S. Huggins’ Refrigerator Door.
3. Think you speak perfectly? I bet you mess up some words. 100 Most Often Mispronounced Words and Phrases in English.
4. Tired of watching Entertainment Tonight? Want some serious thinking? Check out AskPhilosphers.org, where people pose questions and philosophers weigh in.
5. It can be hard to apologize. Here’s some help.
6. Bored? Have a peek at some full-screen flash video.
7. Want to know exactly what’s hurting after your first workout of the year? Here are your muscles.
8. I was taught to avoid clichès in writing. I do love them, though. Do your own search at Cliché Finder.

Do you have some good links, Grinners, Grumblers, and Guests? Let’s hear them!

I get a bunch of spam. It’s ridiculous. I’ve tried anti-spam software, but I find it takes too much management to be effective. It’s faster for me to just quickly scan the spam subject lines and delete the junk. Ctrl + click, and then a quick Ctrl + d is a powerful combination.

Sometimes the headlines do make me laugh. Here’s a sampling of subject lines from the last few days. They’re verbatim.

1. best performance in bed
2. Ensure your potence and make love everywhere
3. I felt my skin look firmer almost instantly
4. game in bed weak?
5. Disappointed with your bad performance in bed?
6. The ladies love it, I know
7. Please your spouse more often then not

There’s not a trend here. It’s only in your salty imaginations.

8. spice it up in bed..No Doc Needed
9. Oprah’s Superfood of the year!
10. I felt my skin look firmer almost instantly
11. Have long strong night in BED!
12. Flush up to 20 lbs. with Acai Berry

Crazy spammers.

I’m taking this from Caity. It’s fun but only if you participate!

1. Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search or other search functions.
6. No checking peoples’ facebook/myspace profiles where they list their favorite movies.

A few rule amendments: I picked 10 favorite quotations not 15 favorite movies. The quotations are all from movies that I really like, however. I didn’t find all the quotations on IMDB. I’ll put hints up every few days if you’re having trouble.

Here they are:

1. “You’ve got security clearance. You can read about it.” Top Gun. Bythesea scores!

2. “James, earn this… earn it.” Hint: Oscar winner starring Tom Hanks. Saving Private Ryan. Cool, Soccermama.

3. “Yeah, I was in the show. I was in the show for 21 days once - the 21 greatest days of my life. You know, you never handle your luggage in the show, somebody else carries your bags. It was great. You hit white balls for batting practice, the ballparks are like cathedrals, the hotels all have room service, and the women all have long legs and brains.” Bull Durham. Thanks, Caity.

4. “There’s a difference between us. You think the people of this country exist to provide you with position. I think your position exists to provide those people with freedom. And I go to make sure that they have it. “Hint: Oscar winner. Lead is Australian. Hint 2: Character led his people in battle. Answer: Braveheart.

5. “Why’d you have to go and tell her he plays piano? We can’t compete with that.” Hint: A “beautiful” movie with an ensemble cast. Beautiful Girls. Good, bythesea!

6. “You’re a ballplayer, that’s who you are.” Hint: Released in 1988 and starred Mark Harmon. Hint 2: Theft of base 4. Stealing Home. Caity got it!

7. “Help me, help you.” Jerry Maguire. Number two for Caity.

8. “Long ago, when I was a young man, my father said to me, ‘Norman, you like to write stories.’ And I said ‘Yes, I do.’ Then he said, ‘Someday, when you’re ready you might tell our family story. Only then will you understand what happened and why.’ Hint: An Oscar winner about fishing. A River Runs Through It. Great call, bythesea.

9. “My boy’s wicked smart.” Good Will Hunting. Caity gets a hat trick.

10. “Thank you very little.” Hint: Featured a gopher. Caddyshack. A trip back in time, bythesea.

Have fun!